Em the Threenager

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and written a post about Emerson.  Many people have asked me how she’s adjusting to having a baby sister.  In the big scheme of things, she’s doing great with the change! But I’ve been telling everyone that toddlers are the hardest part about having a new baby:)

Have you guys heard about the theory of development that children go through stages of equilibrium and disequilibrium?  I definitely think Em has been in a difficult stage for the past couple of months.  I often wondered if I wasn’t giving her enough attention over the summer when she was out of school and I was pregnant and impatient/tired a lot of the time. And maybe that contributed to bad behavior, but I think she was just being a typical 2.5-year-old: testing the limits, getting frustrated and being dramatic, and having a hard time with transitions.  Matt and I tried to be really consistent in stating rules and modeling appropriate behavior, and sending her to time-out after warnings or for extreme behavior.

We’d often become frustrated  that she didn’t seem to be learning from our modeling, punishment and praise, but then I’d remember that learning takes time and lots of repetition. When I think about all the other skills Emerson has learned in the past, I remember that they’ve all taken more time than I’d expected; and then one day, she’d just get it. I’m hoping that’s the case with some of her recent bad behavior, because (knock on wood), a lot of things seem to be clicking lately. She’s learning to use a polite, nice voice to ask for things, will use the bathroom or wash or hands without throwing a fit (this was a big problem for a while), and is getting better about transitions if she has advanced warning.

Of course, she still has her moments when she’s tired and hungry or when she gets out of her routine.  I think a lot of the terrible behavior that came with bringing Avery home from the hospital was related to my mom being there for so long, Matt suddently being home all the time, and other changes in our routine, versus jealously of the new baby. It seemed like we were reprimanding her a lot in those first couple of weeks, so I wanted to introduce something positive to influence her behavior.  We started reinforcing positive behaviors by filling a jar with cotton balls.  She’s been earning an experiential reward (she’s mostly been choosing Disney movies) when the jar is full. It’s an easy system that’s fun for her and it’s been working out that she fills up the jar about once a week.

I’ve been really surprised that when Matt and I are both busy, Em has sometimes started to  play more independently. She’s getting more into role playing with figurines and toys and has realized she can do this without another person.  Emerson has also figured out that she can just ask for our attention rather than act out for it.  It’s been funny a couple of times – she’s interrupted us and said “Whose attention can I get?” or “Mom, can you please stop looking at your phone.” I’m so glad she’s figuring this stuff out!  I’ve also been surprised that since Matt has gone back to work, she seems really happy when she’s just home with me.  I realized that’s what she’s been used to since she left daycare at 13 months, so its makes sense that she seems happier to be back in our routine of spending most of the day together one-on-one (Avery is sleeping most of the day still!).

Em with her ballet bag – she carries around her tutu and sparkly shoes and pretends she’s going to rehearsal like Angelina Ballerina

Our biggest battle is still meal time, and dinner is usually the worst.  Like most toddlers, Em has become so picky.  She’ll pretty much only eat if we feed her (or it’s her favorite food), so we’re working hard on getting her to feed herself and the cotton ball system has been helping. She’s also not eating much at school because they aren’t able to heat up her lunch.  I bought her a thermos and tried it with pasta last week, and she didn’t eat it:(  She still doesn’t eat meat other than fish, so I’m always looking for protein ideas! And she obviously prefers snack foods to ‘main courses,’ so she often tells us she’s too full to finish dinner and then cries that she’s still hungry at bed time.

All in all, I’m relieved that we all seem to be adjusting just fine to becoming a family of four. As easy as it is to focus on the bad behaviors, Emerson is smart and creative and very eager to help out, so I know there’s nothing to complain about!  I’m trying to be really careful, as I’ve noticed that how I talk to the two girls is really different – I know I’m sometimes too hard on Em and think Avery is a perfect angel, so I’m working on my behavior as well!